(no subject)

Date: 2012-10-13 09:24 pm (UTC)
randomling: A very young Justin Timberlake with an expression of great distress. (oh noes)
From: [personal profile] randomling
...

Just one comma would have saved that sentence

(no subject)

Date: 2012-10-13 10:19 pm (UTC)
baggyeyes: Bugs Bunny and the Bull (Default)
From: [personal profile] baggyeyes
Or a period, then a capital.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-10-13 10:21 pm (UTC)
randomling: Martha Jones (Doctor Who), looking up with a half-smile. (martha)
From: [personal profile] randomling
Yeah, that would have worked, too! (After I posted the comment, I thought, "actually that sentence could have done with being split into two", but then I didn't actually say that...)

(no subject)

Date: 2012-10-15 02:14 pm (UTC)
baggyeyes: Bugs Bunny and the Bull (Default)
From: [personal profile] baggyeyes
You should see some of my un-edited work. Ach. :)

(no subject)

Date: 2012-10-14 04:33 am (UTC)
megaptera: Megaptera novaeangliae (Default)
From: [personal profile] megaptera
I can tell exactly what the author is trying to do here. It's supposed to be a hot-and-bothered runaway train of thought. ;) But yeah, restructure to keep the sentiment without introducing grammatical ambiguity. Italicize? That's what I'd probably do, just italicize everything from 'Jesus' onwards.

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